Coming soon, GLEE!

You mean Spidy isn’t the name of your pet spider?

Speidi is the beloved nickname the media lovingly gave Heidi and Spencer Pratt, who are famous for…nothing.  Watching them is like watching a horrific car accident, you can’t look away, no matter how hard you try.  Here is one such example: This is probably the saddest display at an attempt for talent I have ever seen.  I mean she’s lip synching in a pink bikini , rolling around in the sand and ocean (probably getting sand in scandalous places. OUCH!), climbing rocks, and falling dramatically onto her beach towell.  All that comes to mind is: “Was Spencer filming this?  I think we might have stumbled upon one of their home videos…yeah, that’s it.  They sent the wrong tape to the recording studio……What?”

In addition to this atrocity, they also claim to be extremely religious.  In fact, Heidi was caught saying she would like to be the next Mother Theresa.  Because Mother Theresa did this: Okay, a she’s going to be “a modern Mother Theresa.”  Because the way to convert sinners is to tempt them to read Playboy?  It’s okay, I’m sure they only read it for the articles anyway.  And, I am pretty sure Mother Theresa would marry someone whose ultimate goal in life is to become “the villian.”  Spencer had a televised baptism performed by Steven Baldwin on NBC’s I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! (Jungle Baptisms were so last year, Spencer.)  So, why all the contradiction? Why the Angel and Demon contrasts? Is it an elaborate ploy concocted by “the villian” to get media attention, or do they just wing it every time a camera crew yells “Action!”  Does Spencer sit in his evil hideout hidden in a cave in “The Hills” to devise his next scheme? I can imagine him stroking his creepy flesh colored beard, calling Heidi to make him some coffee, because he has another long night of thinking of outrageous publicity stunts.  Hey, Heidi! Would you be willing to sell dry shampoo?  Or, how about starting a fake singing career? Nevertheless, the greatest moments of Heidi can be seen here: You have to feel bad for her here, I mean, come on.  They ripped the labels off of her dry shampoo, and it took Spencer all day to put them on!  How could people be so mean?  It’s comparable to murdering children!  That shampoo didn’t do anything to you “B rated” celebrities. Leave Heidi alone.  At least she is praying for their lost souls and willing to forgive them.

In addition to singing careers, one of Spencer’s genius ideas that he concocted (Most likely in his cave in “The Hills”) was to write a book.  Apparently, it’s a How-to guide about gaining celebrity status for doing…nothing.  Maybe Spencer really is an evil genius…or maybe an evil alien genius.  He does kind of remind me of Marvin the Martian. So, for being evil (and at the same time, angelic) genius’, I am going to give Speidi 3 hippos.  First of all, they make me feel good about myself as a person.  Secondly, the fact that Spencer has found a way to survive on planet Earth and blend in with human being,s is not only surprisingly sophisticated, but incredibly advanced.  Kudos to being the smartest being in the universe!

Until next time,

Salud!

Do’s and Don’ts. Wannabe(s) and Be(s)

First off: VH1 shows!

Everyone knows that VH1 tops any network in terms of high class and sophisticatingly enlightned reality tv.  Rock of Love, Charm School, For the Love of Ray J, Daisy of Love, etc. are all nail biting dramas people tune in each week to watch.  However, I am just disappointed in VH1.  What are these shows? I’m not seeing the same quality that I usually expect from VH1’s programming.  For instance: Megan wants a millionaire. It should be called Megan is a skanky money sucking snore.  This show does not contain the prerequisites of “drama” and “class” that other shows contain. First of all, I think someone forgot to tell these guys that they are MILLIONAIRES.  They should not have to be on tv to get a girlfriend.  So, after deductive reasoning, (and watching a couple episodes) I have concluded something: these men are only on the tv show because they are incapable of getting a girlfriend by themselves, even with their millions.  It’s really more sad than entertaining.  These are the creepiest, and ugliest (harsh, I know, but it’s that true) men I have seen on a tv show yet.

Okay, so this is just an example of the many men enlisted. Donald must be about 70?  And he’s not the worst of it.  Poor poor Joe. Joe desperately tried to breach the friendship barrier to win Megan’s heart.  His first plan involved attempting to win the challenge, but, when he found out math was involved, he had a bit of a breakdown.  He’s a trust fund baby, could the producer’s try to at least make the show fair for him.  Seriously, math?  But things went from bad to worse, when he pulled out a kiss; which, I can only guess, he learned on planet vulcan. What resulted afterward in Megan’s lavish suite, no one knows, but I can onlyspecualte that mouthwash was involved.

I really just want to run around the room screaming every time I see this. Overall, Megan wants a millionaire is a sad display of VH1 programming.  Instead of being captivated by drama, I’m just creeped out!  Therefore, this show is only worthy of one hippo.  So sad.

Until next time,

Salud!

Welcome to Hippo Ratings!

So, I basically wanted a forum where I could divulge all my opinions about pop culture, books, movies, music, and maybe even the occasional political commentary(not likely).  Since, I will be ranking all of these based on their coolness factor, I thought, “What kind of system could I use to rank something? The coolest thing I know is a hippo!” So, therefore, logic dictates, hippos it is! Four hippos means fabby fab. Three hippos: it makes me smile, two hippos: “Ehhhhhh”  and one hippo, well, I’d rather be entertained by poo. (Sick!) I know what you’re thinking: Beth, this is genius, this is amazing, this is my whole reason for living! I’m just one hip lady doing the world a huge favor. Who uses the word hip anymore?

Salud!

I gave myself three hippos for the idea. I didn’t want to seem arrogant and give myself four, although, I probably deserve it.